Spirit Walkie-Talkie

Sep 26, 2013 | Musings From A Conscious Parenting


Last year at the life-changing, heart-stretching memorial service of our precious, beloved friend, 3 ½ year old Koa Nakai, who had tragically died in an accident 6 days earlier, in accordance with their Navajo path, Koa’s parents had laid out many of Koa’s belongings and toys for others to take home with them. I let Araela (then 7) and Ezra (then 3 ½) each choose something from the pile, to carry Koa’s energy home with them inside an object. Araela chose a small harp, and Ezra chose a single, neon-yellow walkie-talkie.

Though Koa’s presence is with us forever, and we talk about him often, I had all but forgotten about those items from his memorial service, until last night. I was running Ezra’s bath, and as I walked by his bedroom, I saw him sitting on the floor, talking into the yellow walkie-talkie that had been Koa’s. I listened for a moment, unable to decipher exactly what he was saying, and then I heard him say “Ok, I’ll talk to you again soon, Bye.”

I walked into his room and sat down beside him to help take off his clothes for his bath, and asked gently “Who were you talking to, Babe?” He was still holding the walkie-talkie in his hand, and he pointed to it as he said: “I was talking to Koa. This is my spirit walkie-talkie, and it doesn’t need batteries, because I use it only to talk to Koa.” I was at once startled, moved, and fascinated to hear this. I said “That’s who you were just talking with now?” He shrugged, nonchalant, and said, “Yeah, he was trying to call me all day to talk, but I was at Kindergarten, so I had to call him back.” I pulled his shirt over his arms and head of copper curls, and with my heart starkly in my throat, I asked him, “What do you and Koa talk about?” He smiled, and he said “He’s really funny! He likes to tell me poop jokes.” I laughed at that, and said “Really?! Poop jokes?” He nodded, knowingly. Then he added “And he also asks me about what it’s like to be 4 years old now.” My heartmind flashed to images of that day of Koa’s burial, his 3 ½ year old body lovingly prepared to enter the earth, his spirit as wide and brilliant as the sun, as we raised our hands to the heavens and sang him home to the other side. A few tears escaped my eyes as I asked him, “What did you tell him about being 4 years old, Love?” He said “I told him I am bigger now, and I can do lots of things now, but I am still only 4. “ So sweet and fierce and true, my beautiful son. I looked into his eyes, and said “I love that you talk to Koa. That is so very special.” And he said all official-business-like “Yep, that’s why I choosed the walkie-talkie, Mom.” Then he stood up, his gorgeously naked almost 5 year old self, growing so soft and strong, and galloped off to his waiting bath.

I sat there for a few minutes, with the walkie-talkie in my hands, clutched to my heart, reveling at the powerful soul of one small boy, Koa Nakai, who has managed to crack open my heart, and that of countless others, over and over and over again. And the mysterious bonds between the little ones, these little boys who came in on the same wave of birth, who swam in the womb-waters at the same time, learned to nurse and stand and walk and sing and pray with their human bodies and voices, and then came a fork in the road one day, where their paths took very different directions. And who knows how the bond continues, this bond which is clearly not bound by flesh nor space nor concept nor what we try to know, but is carefully nurtured by the heart of a mystery so deep and vast and wildly bright, we can only humbly bow when we catch glimpse of it.

Facebook Comments

More Blog Posts

Praising Angels

One of the many gifts that came from my early childhood intimacy with traumatizing illness, was the way in which it opened my psychic centers to be able to “see” and “hear” energetic realities that remain elusive for most. While it took me a couple of decades to work...

Stewarding a New Way

As I witness all this outrageous trauma playing out on the global stage between man and woman, one of the most poignant components it illuminates for me is the power we hold in how we choose to steward our daughters and sons in these times. What is our part to play in...

Smoky Grateful Boredom Breakthroughs

My son Ezra and I had a glorious breakthrough about boredom a few days ago, and I’m inspired to share it with you, in case it just might be contagious. (And no, it wasn’t about boredom breeding creativity or genius or whatever it was someone wise once said, though I’m...

A Year of Leaning In

A couple of weeks ago Orionne and I celebrated our one year anniversary! What a meaningful threshold for us to cross. And what a profound year of leaning in it has been. We met (re-met) one year ago in July and immediately bowed in to a most extraordinary love. We...

“Free of Mom”~ Attachment & Surrender

The other morning I was sitting at my desk writing, when suddenly my son Ezra was beside me, tapping me on the shoulder in his fluffy red bathrobe. As I turned to greet his morning brightness, he surprised me by tumbling completely into my arms, so I had to move fast...

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But any way you look at it, isn’t Love always the answer?” That’s what my beloved partner said to me yesterday with fierce truth pouring from moist eyes, devotedly calling me back, in a moment when defense had gotten the better of me, to the common ground of our...

Graduation from a Life Chapter; The Endless Changing of Form

I’ve got some big news to share~ about a large life change in the works for my sweet family. One night, about 6 weeks ago, as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I was suddenly struck with an unexpected lightning bolt of revelation. It went something like this: “And Now You will Move With The Children Back To Ashland.” It truly felt more like an announcement from my soul, than any kind of choice I was being offered to contemplate. I was shocked, confused, and somewhat triggered. I […]

Being Single~ Yearning, Prayer, Surrender and Fulfillment

Garethrockliffe.com I’m inspired to tell you a story from a recent bedtime conversation I had with my son, on the topic of being single, and the prayer for partnership. It’s a tender topic to personally speak and write about, but one that so many of us share in common. And so I humbly offer my voice to the collective conversation.I’ve been contemplating my own single womanhood and single motherhood a lot lately, in a particularly focused way. It’s interesting to consider the stigm […]

Nurturing Self-Love as Healthy Self-Image~ A Clothes-Shopping Story

Due to the vulnerable nature of this writing, this piece is published with explicit permission and blessings from my brave and generous daughter Arayla, who after reading it shared her hope that our story might serve in some small way~ especially other mothers and daughters, in navigating the steep challenge of healthy self- image and radical self-love in our culture. One of my most treasured delights as the mother of my beloved daughter Arayla, (newly 12 years old,) is the incredibly swee […]

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

It's difficult to know what to say in these times, but I'll give it a try.  While this horrifying drama is playing out on the world stage, I’m finding it useful to notice how this translates in my own privileged life. For it to get this crazy on the outer stage of our...