Lessons in Discernment & the Consequences of Self-betrayal

Mar 1, 2021 | Blog, Featured Read

I have made many mistakes in my life, but the most consequential mistakes I’ve made have always involved betraying in some way what I know to be true.

These are the mistakes that have delivered essential lessons in discernment, self-respect, dignity and integrity.

Precious, humbling teachings of what happens when we don’t honor the deepest truth of what we know.

Particularly when self-betrayal has occurred for love, or for intimacy, or for financial security, or for some sense of belonging in community, that’s when it seems the teaching carries the greatest weight.

Perhaps this is because life is always conspiring to point its finger back at us—as the greatest source of love, prosperity, fulfillment, and belonging we could ever wish for?!

There is a vital truth of freedom our hearts yearn for us to remember.

When we self-betray in a way that reflects some essentially mistaken perception, then seeing our self-betrayal has the potential to serve our deepest freedom.

I am a skilled and practiced intuitive. I live in close intimacy with the clear voice of truth within me, the one who sees and hears and knows what’s true.

When I have betrayed the truth, because of a fear that to honor it might cause me to lose whatever I’m attached to—whether that be a form of relationship, or work, or money, or image, or whatever—this is a form of self-betrayal that has had ever-increasing consequences.

If we fail a test, there is always a consequence. And if we fail the same test repeatedly, it seems the consequences get stronger and stronger.

I think this is especially true for those of us who commit to a path of truth.

When we name our devotion to the truth, the stakes are immediately raised, and the price of self-betrayal gets higher and higher.

Sometimes the consequences aren’t evident right away. Sometimes they take time, and maturity, to reveal themselves.

Sometimes they are immediate—like a terrible hangover, or an infection after untrue sex, or like getting overwhelmed or resentful after saying yes, when we really meant fuck no.

Some of the consequences of self-betrayal are layered and insidious and have to be carefully and skillfully unwoven. Consequences such as vital injuries to our self-respect, self-worth and self-trust.

I hope you know I’m not talking about a punishing God. I’m talking about Life, as our own self, generously teaching and ruthlessly mirroring to us exactly what it is we need to learn, in order to awaken and welcome us home to the truest self-respect, freedom, and integrity.

In my experience, the school of life is inherently gracious with us in bringing us the lessons and tests that can best serve our evolution.

That’s one of the reasons why it’s very useful to consciously learn our lessons.

The opportunity is to see and own our mistakes, to track our own blind-spots and see them for what they are, to receive the gifts they brought to us, with self-compassion and self-forgiveness, and then to integrate the medicine, so we can graduate from that particular schooling, and move on to the next.

Telling the truth about the unique ways we have habitually betrayed ourselves, in the name of safety, security, love, popularity, power, you name it… is one of the most powerful ways to deepen in our marriage to Truth.

This holy marriage asks for everything, yes, it’s true. And it gives us everything we truly want in return.

Facebook Comments

More Blog Posts

Praising Angels

One of the many gifts that came from my early childhood intimacy with traumatizing illness, was the way in which it opened my psychic centers to be able to “see” and “hear” energetic realities that remain elusive for most. While it took me a couple of decades to work...

Stewarding a New Way

As I witness all this outrageous trauma playing out on the global stage between man and woman, one of the most poignant components it illuminates for me is the power we hold in how we choose to steward our daughters and sons in these times. What is our part to play in...

Smoky Grateful Boredom Breakthroughs

My son Ezra and I had a glorious breakthrough about boredom a few days ago, and I’m inspired to share it with you, in case it just might be contagious. (And no, it wasn’t about boredom breeding creativity or genius or whatever it was someone wise once said, though I’m...

A Year of Leaning In

A couple of weeks ago Orionne and I celebrated our one year anniversary! What a meaningful threshold for us to cross. And what a profound year of leaning in it has been. We met (re-met) one year ago in July and immediately bowed in to a most extraordinary love. We...

“Free of Mom”~ Attachment & Surrender

The other morning I was sitting at my desk writing, when suddenly my son Ezra was beside me, tapping me on the shoulder in his fluffy red bathrobe. As I turned to greet his morning brightness, he surprised me by tumbling completely into my arms, so I had to move fast...

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But any way you look at it, isn’t Love always the answer?” That’s what my beloved partner said to me yesterday with fierce truth pouring from moist eyes, devotedly calling me back, in a moment when defense had gotten the better of me, to the common ground of our...

Graduation from a Life Chapter; The Endless Changing of Form

I’ve got some big news to share~ about a large life change in the works for my sweet family. One night, about 6 weeks ago, as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I was suddenly struck with an unexpected lightning bolt of revelation. It went something like this: “And Now You will Move With The Children Back To Ashland.” It truly felt more like an announcement from my soul, than any kind of choice I was being offered to contemplate. I was shocked, confused, and somewhat triggered. I […]

Being Single~ Yearning, Prayer, Surrender and Fulfillment

Garethrockliffe.com I’m inspired to tell you a story from a recent bedtime conversation I had with my son, on the topic of being single, and the prayer for partnership. It’s a tender topic to personally speak and write about, but one that so many of us share in common. And so I humbly offer my voice to the collective conversation.I’ve been contemplating my own single womanhood and single motherhood a lot lately, in a particularly focused way. It’s interesting to consider the stigm […]

Nurturing Self-Love as Healthy Self-Image~ A Clothes-Shopping Story

Due to the vulnerable nature of this writing, this piece is published with explicit permission and blessings from my brave and generous daughter Arayla, who after reading it shared her hope that our story might serve in some small way~ especially other mothers and daughters, in navigating the steep challenge of healthy self- image and radical self-love in our culture. One of my most treasured delights as the mother of my beloved daughter Arayla, (newly 12 years old,) is the incredibly swee […]

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

It's difficult to know what to say in these times, but I'll give it a try.  While this horrifying drama is playing out on the world stage, I’m finding it useful to notice how this translates in my own privileged life. For it to get this crazy on the outer stage of our...