One of the great gifts of times like these—when I’m faced with the vulnerable ache of uncertainty, my heart softly swollen in unknowing—is that it inspires me to approach the Mystery empty-handed, my earnestness completely exposed.
After the children are asleep in their beds, and my work for the day is done, I can finally turn towards my own growing edge of surrender with my heart laid open and bare.
As I turn to face myself, and allow my most intimate prayers to unfurl in the dark of night, I discover that often my most honest and powerful prayer to pray is simply, “Please use me.”
And then sometimes again, first thing upon waking, as the open spaciousness of my soul leans towards the curious task of being someone, this prayer arises freshly, innocently: “Please use me.”
Ahhh… Please use me. I don’t know about you, but for me this simple prayer, this sober plea—really says it.
It somehow conveys the unspeakable depth of my willingness; the purity of my desire to be given in a good way. It proclaims at once my utter availability to Love, and my fierce refusal to postpone what I’m alive for.
“Please use me. I surrender. Please let this life serve. Please use my life for Love’s work. Help me to get out of the way, please. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
And then, this prayer, just like my destiny, is thankfully out of my hands.
I can rest assured it’s in the hands of that aspect of Love that listens to its own prayers.
It’s on the living altar now, offered up. It’s burning bright and flying free.
And so just like this, all my human uncertainty and tender-hearted unknowing can surrender into the bigger heart of self-offering.
It’s no longer my business what the answer to this prayer looks like, thank goodness. It’s holy business now.
We say, “Please use me…” and then simply stay tuned to see what’s called for.
Every time I lay myself upon the altar of my own life like this, I can feel what a potent way it is to stay in right relationship with the treasure of this fleeting moment. It’s a way we can stay in rapport with what’s unknowable, uncontrollable, and unmanageable in life. It’s also a tangible way to appease the sincere sentiment of WTF that can arise in times of personal and collective transition!
And so I can bow into the open curve of sleep, and when morning comes I can rise to bow again into new day.
I can bow into these mysterious roles I’m here to play, and pray they all belong to Love.
Please use me. Please. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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